Some pondering about relationships and the Hitchhiker Shawl

Looking back on many of my relationships, I recognize that I am drawn to people that need to be fixed (this might seem obvious as I am a therapist and “fix”  people for a living, but sometimes we don’t see the obvious). Fixing was especially an issue for me when I first started dating. I was always drawn to the “tortured artist”. The major issue with the tortured artist is that they like to be tortured (read mentally unstable) because it helps them to create art. In my teens and 20’s I would date anyone who would fall in love and break up with me just to have inspiration for bad poetry or an out of chord acoustic guitar song. For a long time, the attraction of finding those who I could fix did not stop at significant others. Rather, I also looked for friends that needed fixing. Fortunately, as I got older and more confident, I was able to put better boundaries up and nurture relationships with people (both friends and partners) who did not need fixing, but rather appreciated support to make healthy changes (their intention of change is what separates them from the fixer-uppers).

My radical acceptance that people can only “fix” themselves was a huge turning point in my life. However, I still have to be careful, as sometimes I find myself drawn in my personal life toward people that need fixing, but that don’t want to change (strangely, for clients who don’t want to change I have no problem confronting them about it). Thankfully, through a strong support system, a good sense of self and a lot of therapy I am able to keep a healthy distance from these not so healthy people.

I am currently working on a Hitchhiker Shawl. I recently bought a black coat and thought a scarf/shawl would look good with it. A friend on Facebook said that in Norway “leftist teachers and librarians were famous for wearing lilac-colored and that lilac/lavender (colored) scarves is still an expression for a liberal and strongly leftist leaning persons particularly of academic background in public services”. I loved this and the next day bought some yarn with a wonderful lilac/lavender color way. This is my first Hitchhiker Shawl and I am loving it.The person who wrote the pattern for the shawl used the book “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe” as an inspiration. When finished the shawl will have 42 teeth (42 being the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything). I have a lot of random yarns left over from other projects I have done and plan to use them up making some more shawls that can be given away as gifts this winter.  Unfortunately, the light camera does not bring out out the colors well and makes it look blue. In a future post, I will work to get a better pic.

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